Not much is known about the newest Bond film, set for a 2012 release. We don’t even have a title yet. Rumors abound, however, that Bond will be driving a Bentley Continental GT.
We know for sure that Daniel Craig will reprise his role as 007. And that’s good for the important parts like story, character development, and drama. Craig’s is certainly the deepest, most three-dimensional Bond we’ve ever seen outside the novels. His efficient brutality is matched only by his ultimate vulnerability.
But over the entire span of Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace, Bond has barely used a single crafty gadget, and none at all from Q Branch.
So it makes sense that, should he drive the Bentley, it will probably be entirely devoid of modifications. This article, therefore, will serve as an open letter to Q Branch, fictitious as they are, detailing what devices we here at Streetside would like to see in Bond’s next Bentley.
Breathalyzer – Let’s face it. The only thing less believable than Bond’s stunt work is how well he drives under the influence of so much vodka and Dom Perignon. He needs to be at least moderately sober before he gets behind the wheel of any Continental GT, especially the one we’re cooking up for him. This device will be housed in a lapel pin with a transmitter, so the car can constantly monitor Bond’s BAC. When it reaches a certain limit, the weapons systems lock down, and if he gets really smashed, the car won’t even start, but will admit him so he can sleep things off. The upside? It can also serve as a key-fob, so no-one can enter or start the car but Bond.
Manual Gearbox – The Continenal GT, unfortunately, has a 6-speed automatic with paddle shifters. Bond, however, likes to be in control, so he’ll prefer a manual. I’m sure Q Branch could sort that out. They can also robotically actuate the shifter, so if he really needs it to, the Bentley will shift by itself. The unit will look like an automatic, though, so enemies will underestimate him, and because the paddle shifters will need to remain. They’ll serve as triggers for the following.
Tasers – Still in development in the real world, but a piece of cake for Q Branch, wireless tasers, front and rear, will provide a perfect, less than lethal way for Bond to disable a vehicle on the road. The real-life concept weapons use plasma arcs to strike enemies, quite literally, like lightening. Any sizeable voltage should be enough to fry crispy the electrical systems upon which most modern cars so heavily reply. The Continental GT’s ample grille will house the front unit, and one of the dual exhaust tips should house the rear unit nicely. They’ll come with an Optima battery and an upgraded alternator, naturally.
Missiles – Every good Bond car needs them. These will hide behind the Bentley’s front and rear number plates and work with the car’s GPS to directionally target the vehicles Bond wants to take out, including that Buick rolling at 50 in the left lane…er, no. Just the bad guys.
Rocket Assisted Steering – Speaking of missiles, they tend to have very powerful engines. Rocket engines can help prop planes take off, so why can’t they help Bond take a corner while outrunning baddies? These tiny engines will be house behind the lower grille and taillights, and will use the car’s computer to calculate how quickly it will need to turn. Remember that corner grappling hook from Tim Burton’s Batman? It’s just like that, without the mess.
Aero Mode – And since we have rocket engines on the car, they might as well help with acceleration, too. When this is activated, the suspension lowers, a chin spoiler appears up front, and a wing extends from the boot lid.
Jump Jacks – It always worked well for Speed Racer, and could certainly come in handy for Bond. When armed, the jump jacks talk to the computer, which will raise the suspension (for landing, you know) and reverse the features of Aero Mode, for maximum flight time.
AA-12s – Machine guns on cars are cool. But it can be hard to aim a .50 cal at 90 mph on the Autobahn. Especially when it’s attached to the car. So we’ll make the American suggestion of shotguns. And while we’re at it, automatic shotguns. The AA-12 was developed by Maxwell Atchisson during Vietnam and perfected by Military Police Systems in 2005. It fires 300 12 gauge shells per minute. It should be enough to saw through any bad guy’s armored windshield. And, if 007 needs to take out a bridge or make a garage door in a bunker, the AA-12 can help him there, too, firing long range grenade rounds. The front unit will be housed under the hood, and the rear one under the boot lid. Each will operate on a multidirectional robotic mount.
B.R.I.T. – All this is more than a handful if controlled with buttons on the steering wheel and dash. That’s why Q Branch is developing B.R.I.T., their Brainwave Reactive Interface Technology. Better than the Sony Ericsson phone 007 used in Tomorrow Never Dies, it functions as a complete remote control for the car, but since it reads brain waves, there are no buttons required. If Bond can think it, the car can do it in the same instant. Since we don’t want him accidentally blowing away M because she won’t let him have the M16 credit card, the weapon triggers will be exclusively confined to the aforementioned paddle shifters. But for accurate brainwave readings, B.R.I.T needs contact with the head. Bond doesn’t wear hats anymore, and he absolutely never wears glasses, so a pair of expensive sunglasses should suffice, lightly tinted, of course.
Of course, Daniel Craig’s next Bond car will probably have none of this, but the rumor that he’s returning to Bentley does make sense. As exorbitantly expensive as it is, the Continental GT isn’t notably good-looking (especially when compared to the Astons Bond drove most recently). In this it rather matches Daniel Craig, who always appears to have been kicked in the face before appearing. But, like Daniel Craig, the Bentley gets the job done, and in decent style. Plus, with a 567 hp, 6 liter W12, it’s a rather brutal and menacing machine. When we first met this new Bond in Casino Royale, he was drowning a man in a sink. The Continental GT might do the same, with as little remorse.
Images courtesy of Bentley Motors