I’ll never have trouble recalling the episode of Friends in which that hapless Italian, Joey Tribbiani, tries to fake Porsche ownership and impress a pair of How-you-doin? hotties with a collection of officially licensed Porsche attire. Luxury car brand products have been around for years, and, like Joey, their owners don’t often actually own the accompanying vehicles. But at current prices, some accessories are jet-set only, and their buyers have probably passed on the Porsches for Bentleys. To prove it, here are a few recent releases that could have you reevaluating success.
Price: If you have to ask, it’s not for you.
What’s a Shisha? It’s known by us westerners as a huka or water pipe, and while many assume it’s only used for certain life-sucking narcotics, it’s a perfectly legitimate tobacco delivery system. Also perfectly legitimate is the tongue twister the German designers have inadvertently created (say “Porsche Shisha” five times fast). The woven-brake-line-like hoses are made of TecFlex, which Porsche Design also use to make, er, pens. And the body is brushed aluminum, so it…won’t, um, rust. Porsche Design just announced the Shisha this week, but failed to include a price in the press release, so you can be pretty certain it will cost more than most objects that resemble inverted lava lamps.
Carroll Shelby Cruiser Bike
Carroll Shelby Licensing recently announced the slowest vehicle to ever carry the Shelby marque: a bicycle. Shelby is producing the pedal pushers in conjunction with Felt Bicycles, which means Felt will supply the bikes, and Shelby will supply the price tag. Something Felt has not supplied is a chain system with more than one speed. That’s right, this is a “cruiser bike,” which is a more PC and hipster-proof term for “fixie.” I must admit, it’s a very good looking bike, sporting a pair of coil springs up front like an old Harley and a fender slick enough to rival Eric Clapton’s weapon of choice. Still, when it costs One Thousand Stinking Dollars, I’d take another hipster option and visit my local thrift store instead.
Bentley Carte Blanche Special Edition
Price: Precisely $1,630.20
Though 007 generally prefers silver Aston Martins while sniping and gambling his way into international intrigue, it wasn’t always so. Ian Flemming originally had him driving Bentleys, and Jeffery Deaver, Fleming’s latest replacement author, has put Bond back in a Bentley (this one a Continental GT) for Carte Blanche, the newest novel. To commemorate, Bentley have released a special edition of the book, bound in white Nappa leather and red stitching to simulate what it’s like to ride in a Bentley. Of course, if you own this edition, you probably already know what that’s like, since you own one. It comes in a metal case that’s vaguely shaped like the Continental GT. You’d expect it to be silver or platinum. But it’s aluminum. You know, so it won’t rust. It does have one extremely cool feature. A hole has been drilled along the margin and filled in with an individually numbered, 9mm pistol round. So, in the words of Ferris Bueller, “It is so choice. If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up.” I won’t be picking one up. Because I buy all my novels used for a buck fifty on Amazon.
So yes, modern luxury marque products might be getting a little pricey for the likes of you and me. But that might be a good thing, after all. It will keep us from looking like Joey Tribbiani.
What do you think about marque products and attire? Do you have any?